barbara walters just said penis...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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