getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
