First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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