It's Friday. Sex?
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
