she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
