I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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