now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
