Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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