im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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