I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i think i scared a bird with my dick
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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