She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Two words: blizzard sex
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
