He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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