My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
