I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
