Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm jealous of your bromance
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
