Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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