please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
