My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I can't turn off my feet"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
