she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my shit smells like andre
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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