I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
