bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
