I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
