its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
