Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
