Your tits are I can't wait for
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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