I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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