I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
