I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
