Whod you bang
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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