I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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