First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
