Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
