Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
