every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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