This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
