the room spins SO much faster in panama
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
