here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Panties = found
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
