dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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