I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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