He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
