i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
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