He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
