but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
