my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
If I die, sorry about rent.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
