and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
