I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
