So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
