Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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