Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
im holly from the hills drunk
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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