Taylor Swift is so right about you.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
