I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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