To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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