drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
